Not on my patch!

Mike Pannett (born in York, joined the Metropolitan Police in 1988 and then transferred to North Yorkshire police in 1997, and from retirement, has written much about his experiences in a similar genre to James Herriot and Gervase Phinn) might be forgiven for wondering whether he has a case of copyright theft:

And

(You can buy Mike's book by clicking on the linked pic above)

But aside from copyright... the poster image (which you can see in full here) is breathtaking in its design. I really thought we were not going to get any appeals to raw populism at the start of this process. However the Government campaign to raise awareness of the PCC elections is, in my view, appealing to people's fear of crime. And now we have this. If this is going to be the shape of Tory posters up and down the country, oh dear... oh dear, oh dear.  I hardly know where to begin. What do the elements add up to?

The clenched left fist (with a glinting ring)... "I am tough, don't mess with me" or "Just let me get my hands on them...!" or "At night, I am Green Lantern" ???

The clutched police helmet (with crest blurred)... "I will hold the police to account by gripping their heads" or "I will cradle the police as they go about their difficult work" or "I was once a copper and they let me keep this helmet" ???

The striped tie (with the mysterious motif)... "I will dress smartly if I am elected" or "Some people will recognise this tie, they will know who they are" or "I am a member of a secret society" ???

Not on my patch (with added exclamation mark!)... "This will be my manor, so you had better watch out!" or "I will own Northumbria if you elect me" or "Hitherto, the police have been rather lax about letting criminals run riot here, I will stop that the moment I am elected!" ???

The dour expression (with a hint of a smile or grimace)... "Someone from Conservative HQ put me up to this, but it is really a bit of laugh as we know Vera Baird is going to win" or "I am firm, forceful and mean business - well most of the time" or "I really need to eat more all-bran.." ???

Yobs, Thieves & Vandals (with added ...)... "I want you to believe that I will personally make anti social behaviour a top priority even when other things like violence against the person need to take up more police time" or "I know my street language, we are all in this together" or "the ... means I will be able to get away with doing more or less anything if I am elected) ???

But you tell me - what does this poster 'say' to you? What words would you insert (a bit like http://mydavidcameron.com/)?