Secret PCC: my life long quest for the smooth vinegar flavoured cucumber

It's no good dear diary, I am going to have to write this down: being a PCC is all becoming a bit of an desparate anti-climax. Oh... I had such high hopes when I got elected: the manifesto dreams, the new desk and chain, the power to sack and appoint a chief constable. Such heady, intoxicating days. But now it is all rather humdrum. Rather irritatingly, the police force seems to get on with getting on quite well without me. I went away for a two week holiday and expected to be contacted at least 2 or 3 times with some urgent matter. But not once. I returned to an inbox full of notifications of upcoming meetings with various dignitaries and officers, & a few emails written in purple ink. But nothing of any real importance. It was like they could all get on well without me.

Of course, I can always invent a meeting or two and people will come. There is still a bit of electoral glitter and pizzazz attached to my role. But I know it is all a bit of sham: I feel like the Wizard of Oz hiding behind a curtain. There really is nothing up my sleeve.

But of course I cannot tell anyone this. I must continue the charade. The show must go on. But I am finding it more and more difficult to pretend to myself. I fear I am becoming more and more like Lina Lamont in Singin' in the Rain and that's the chief constable in the background...

Of course I could cook up some expenses story to get myself in the papers, or invite a team of TV cameras into to watch me while I work.... But I know those would only be quick fixes. Nothing is going to dissipate this growing sense of ennui and pointlessness.

Thank the heavens, I have less than two years to go. I am counting the days, hours, minutes etc when I can step down and go back to growing cucumbers. I can return to my lifelong quest for the smooth vinegar flavoured cucumber.

_________________________________________________

The Secret PCC Diary until now:

• Collected diary - days one to ten
• Day 50
• Day 68
• Appointing the new Chief Constable
• PCCs must show people its worth voting (interview with the secret PCC)
• Fields of ponies: the Secret PCC does Income Generation!
• By the pricking of my thumbs, something radical this way comes!
• Too big for their pixie boots: the Secret PCC makes a speech to his Police & Crime Panel
• Witchcraft: the Secret PCC & managing awkward Chiefs
• Social media policy (Secret Diary of a PCC)
• The magic of Brasso (Secret diary of a PCC)
• The 'not giving a floating duck' problem (Secret Diary of a PCC)
• Secret PCC: A LibDem MP considers applying for Direct Entry
• Chief Constable Zero: the Secret PCC gets tough
• The Art of Listening to the Public (the Secret PCC explains all)

Legal disclaimer: just in case you thought this series of secret PCC blogs is based upon a real person or persons: it isn't. It really isn't. Any similarity to a living PCC is entirely coincidental.