This blog is mainly about the governance and future of policing and crime services. (Police & Crime Commissioners feature quite a lot.) But there are also posts about the wider justice system. And because I am town councillor and political activist, local & national issues are covered a little, as well.

Saturday, January 16, 2016

The party conversation that confirms it (Secret PCC)

Picture the scene: Saturday evening drinks at my wife's cousin's place. Slim glass of pop in hand, cheese & chutney sandwich in the other (again)...

Me: Harry, my old sport, how the dashed are you?

Harry: Fine old chum. What you up to these days?

Me: I'm still running the police.

Harry: Still running from the police?! You're not that Basil chap are you? Got all those jewels stuffed inside your teapot?

Me: No. I am still running the police. You know, you helped me deliver some leaflets a few years ago. I'm the Police & Crime Commissioner.

Harry: The what?

Me: Single-handedly I am responsible for administering the governance of the Police Service here in North Ford West Shire.

Harry: Sounds very grand. Do you get expenses with that? And have you got one of those detachable blue lights to stick to the top of your car when you need to get home a bit quicker...? You say I helped you deliver leaflets... hmm... I thought that was for a council position. All lost in a bit of blur, I am afraid. So you won then?!

Me: Yes.

Harry: So is that it? Are you this police thingamajig for good now? You know like that chap Scargill: President of the Police for life?

Me: No. There are elections in May. I am trying to decide whether to stand again...

Harry: You want more leaflets delivered?

Me: I don't think so. I am probably not going to stand again...

Harry: Why not. Are the expenses no good? Didn't you have a chauffeur?

Me: Gordon is my coach who happens to drive me places. He's a wonder. But no, that's not the reason..

Harry: Well what is the reason then?

Me: I am not sure I can take the starlight of celebrity much longer, the being mobbed in the streets by people desperately wanting to talk to me about policing strategy, the flash photography outside the Home Office, the paparazzi at my home...

Harry: Gosh!

Me: I am being sarcastic Harry. I don't think most people even know I exist...

Harry: I know you exist, old bean. Don't talk like that. I am sure what you do makes a real difference. Now I must go and get myself one of those cheese and chutney sandwiches: they look rather tasty if a little bit tricky to handle...


The Secret PCC Diary until now:

Legal disclaimer: just in case you thought this series of secret PCC blogs is based upon a real person or persons: it isn't. It really isn't. Any similarity to a living PCC is entirely coincidental.

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